hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
