Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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