I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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