just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
