i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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