if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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