I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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