We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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