i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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