I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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