I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
