Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
