I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
