Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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