I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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