Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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