this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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