i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
