it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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