Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
