whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
