Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The best revenge is premature balding
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
