Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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