bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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