I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
