Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
be right there i have to get my cape
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize