Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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