when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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