oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think my moral compass just broke
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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