I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
