all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
