he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
