Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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