Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
