I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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