Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
