I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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