i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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