So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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