in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
