i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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