she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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