Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
