Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
