Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize