WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
