Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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