your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
