I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
