I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dick very happy bro
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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