Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I came so hard my ears popped.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
