All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
