Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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