I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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