I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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