the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
