So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
