worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
