she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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