P.S. I can't hear my feet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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