Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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