I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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