Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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