One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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