last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
