I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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