all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize