you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
