I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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