So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
