i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
