Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
