Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
