; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its about making memories worth repressing
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
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It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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