I wish my penis had an off switch
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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