Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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