You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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