I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
