So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
