no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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