Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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