Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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