girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
