is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
