he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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