Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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