Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful