Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
