If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
