If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived