absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my sisters under your porch take her home
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
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Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?