I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night