you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions