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• (248): View more from Michigan

  absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  eat her like coffee?

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• (254): View more from Texas

  my sisters under your porch take her home

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (207): View more from Maine

  She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Drunk yet?

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?

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